i know that no one probably cares but

i'm going to england for three weeks in the summer from the 28th of may until the 17th of june....at least that's the plan.

i've done a lot of number crunching and i've figured out a way to afford the ticket, spending money, and stuff that i need to take care of before the arrival of the daft duo.

right now i have to study for what is sure to be the worst test i've ever taken so far. The history of europe since 1900, focussing in on WWI.

the "F word"

so sunday night after hours at work we were sizing and all that junk when i got confused about something and muttered the words "what the fuck?" and my manager (not the head manager, but one who is newer to the store than i am) called me out on it. she said it was inapporpriate to "drop an F-bomb" even after hours.

HUH?!?! we all talked about how we were raised and i learned from my parents how to swear and was pretty much the kid who taught everyone else to swear in the second grade. everyone looks down on this. i'll admit that a great deal of cursing can be unappealing, but COME ON! customers were gone, it was an 8-hour shift, and i doubt that anyone is really offended by my senseless muttering. she went on about how she was raised by southern parents, but grew up in ohio and how she still calls her dad "Sir." Ew. i have never and could never imagine myself ever calling my dad "Sir." how militant and impersonal is that? then she talked about how her mom would guilt-trip her for cursing all the time and how she has an extensive vocabulary and doesn't need to swear. what bothered me the most was that everyone else i work with was raised by stick-up-their-butt parents too. that's the problem with san francisco. people move here to meet san franciscans and all of the 20-something san francisco natives have moved somewhere else. at my last job there were nothing but east coast kids, and this one everyone is from the north or from socal. damn i miss those kids from boston.

anyway i think that cursing is perfectly acceptable at a minimun-wage paying job. i'm not running for "fucking" senate. so if i want to drop an "F-bomb" every once in awhile, after hours, i don't see a problem with it. haven't you noticed in a song that when the F-word comes up, it strikes a certain chord (at least for me). it shows passion and expression, and sure that can be done without curse words, i'm not saying it can't. still the shock effect isn't the same and i like it, AND i think that most people would be lying if they said they didn't like it on some level too. i don't find cursing offensive, maybe it's because i was raised by a liberal irish-catholic democrat, or maybe it's because i am actually from here where people often curse, but i FUCKING LOVE THE F-WORD! i don't think it's trashy in any sort of way and how dare she try and make me feel like less than her.

what bothers me most is that she was my favorite, and i think i was hers. after that she made it obvious that she'd rather size with another associate rather than me, and she sent me and the other girl (who i'm pretty sure no one likes) away. that is such a seinfeld thing to happen. to suddenly decide that you don't like a person because they swear. ugh! i like swearing, i don't care if it's not "classy." i know that i am a respectable person and i think that actions speak louder than words. i curse, yes, but it's not like i'm a neighborhood bike.

i guess i'm just bothered because things have gone sour with one of the VERY few girls i like. luckily mara works there now and i can have someone trustworthy on the inside to rant with. :-]

i know i've said this before but...

Currently Reading PostSecret: Extraordinary Confessions from Ordinary Lives By Frank Warren see related

tell me a secret

i'll tell you one of mine.

whenever i take muni at the late hours of my early work-week i sit alone on the bus and write. i write a little note/poem/song lyric on my transfer and shove it between my seat and the wall. i don't know if anyone ever reads them but it passes the time.

i've been feeling surrounded by a lot of beauty lately. mara is back from santa cruz and i've missed her so much. she stayed with me in the hospital earlier today for 3 hours and we sat together watching the simpsons and doing impressions of our moms. it was good.

i've realised that in the past few months i've grown further apart from those i was once really close with. nothing has been the same since i left the states the last time. this was upsetting for awhile because i began to feel lonely. recently i have become close to someone who has become a routine part of my day and my friendship with mara has grown a lot too. i feel that although i haven't quite the number of friends i once did, i am happy with the ones i have now. they are very dear to me. work has made me feel a bit funny as well. after work the girls are always asking if i want to grab a beer with them and week after week i have to remind them of my age. i don't mind my age. this stage in my life has it's goods and it's bads. the goods are that i have a lot more freedom. the bads are that i'm pretty tied down to the same spot when i'd rather be MUCH farther away.

people keep asking me how i'm doing and how life has been treating me so i figured i'd post it.

have a beautiful day

i'm curious

why does everything have a girl/boy name?

at work they don't call it the phone. oh no, they call it the "girl phone." and when we make goal, and get extra cash in our pockets for it, they don't call it cash, oh no, it's "girl cash." and the couch by the fitting rooms, it's not just a couch, nope it's the "boy couch."

what is wrong with these people? at the meeting someone said "get the girl phone!" and i laughed at her. everyone else did too. her response was "at ambiance we're cute like that." which followed by a bunch of brown-nosing drones nodding their heads and going "uh huh, so totally cute." i'm sorry i just don't kiss ass like that. i've always had a problem with it. in high school i had a class and my friend  flirted with the teacher and kissed his ass, he gave her an A. while i did all my work and got a B-. the next grading period i tried kissing ass myself, my grade went up to an A-, i guess i wasn't as good at it as she was. still i felt guilty and i haven't been able to bring myself to do it since. i hate being fake like that. i hate telling a woman that those boots will stretch, rather than, sorry hun they probably won't stretch around your calf-area. it's not the customer's fault anyway. it's this whole couture movement going on that only works for tooth-pick shaped girls. (sigh) i will be the truth in retail, i promise. i will never tell a woman to buy shoes that hurt or pants that don't fit. it's not fair to them. i work hard for my money and i wouldn't want someone to lie to me and talk me into buying something bad with the money i earned.

anyway i really need these steve madden shoes. we had them at my store, but in the last year my shoe size has gone up half a size. LAME. so i called the other stores and they didn't have my size. in fact they had every size but mine. DOUBLE LAME! anyway i've become obsessed with them and i have to buy them. i'm going to try and track them down tomorrow before work at nordstroms and the steve madden store. t

hat's my girly rant for the day. hope it wasn't too painful. and if it was trust me, this experience has been way more painful for me than it's been for you. good night.

-Rita